The Lost Cause

When I was growing up, I’ve attended a lot of so-called “Christian” denominations- Word for the World, El Shaddai and Metropolitan Christian Church were among the “big” churches I’ve gone to. And that is putting aside the small “born again” groups I have been invited to in our community. I even recall one time when my dear aunt brought me to a Jehovah’s Witness service. Of course I was a very young catholic school boy back then and I didn’t really understand what was going on in all those gatherings. All I know is that anything that has no images or statues of Jesus, Mary and all the saints like what you find inside the Roman Catholic Church are “born again”- anything that has crying, singing and dancing happy songs, collapsing members, lifting and laying of hands and “angry” preachers on the pulpit. To me, Christians can either be Roman Catholics or the Born Agains. As long as I hear “Jesus” being mentioned in a congregation, then that is definitely counted as Christian. Either you sing “Ave Maria” in a solemn manner or “Alive, Alive (forevermore..)”, it doesn’t matter- or so I thought. As far as I can remember, I never really went to those “born again” groups out of my own free will. In all those cases I was forced to come along for common reasons and one of which is being too shy to say no. (Looking back, I see how much of a “push-over” kind of person I was! LOL) At the Metropolitan Christian Church I remember being enticed to go because one of them (a friend of mom’s) told me that there’s gonna be this famous filipino band who will be performing after the service plus there will be lots of celebrities who will be present not on the stage but where the lay people are among the bleachers of the then called “ULTRA” stadium. True enough, there was a concert by this band after the actual service and there were local celebrities among us. Certainly, the (what seemed like endless) hours I had to put up with the feisty loud-mouthed pastor commanding us to do this and that, the testimony of the dramatic lady and the member in front of me who had “seizures” and suddenly collapsed on me were somehow worth it. The biggest “come on-factor” of them all are the promises of blessings “pressed down, shaken together, running over” a famous verse (Luke 6:38) among the El Shaddai members as their head pastor Mike Velarde would often quote conveniently whenever he would preach about giving in the church- an out-of-context use of the verse though. Now that sounds inviting not only to me, I mean who wouldn’t want blessings right? Even my co-roman catholic friends back then would pray to different saints if they want particular blessings. I have one who is a devout RC soul and so are his parents. They are a rich family who wouldn’t miss any special “church” celebration and they probably know which RC saint is celebrated on which day. During lenten season they would visit 7 different out of town churches, do the Stations of the Cross and they never miss the regular Wednesday novena and Sunday masses at Baclaran Church (famous for those who have petitions). He recommended that I do the same so that I could have blessings like them. And by that, he meant money, good things in life, and so many other material things that God can easily bless you with. Looking at his family’s social class, I believed him- they have a nice, huge house in a plush subdivision, few cars, parents’ got high-paying jobs and basically they can easily buy things that I can only buy probably if I don’t eat for 6 months and spend all my salary on that particular thing. So I heeded his advice and tried to be as religious as I can, as with the other born again groups who promised blessings a-plenty on every attendance. They speak so assertively as if blessings can be taken from a vendo-machine left open. Nothing’s changed though – I still didn’t have the blessings I so wanted. Eventhough I was already working abroad, I’m still not blessed as much as the others for I am still earning a relativelty meager salary. “God didn’t hear my petitions” I thought. “Because you did not believe” the pastor would tell me everytime. Sure, like I didn’t want to believe I’m gonna get my blessings? For crying out loud, that’s what I’ve always wanted. Of course I would like to believe if that’s all I have to do to get my blessings! Another pastor even tossed the “ball of blame” on me for not giving “enough” in the offering box that’s why I didn’t get any. I mean come on, I was the one asking for blessings and now he’s telling me to give from my pocket when I can barely make ends meet? Even when I started working in the Middle East in 2002, I still didn’t get enough so probably this is not the blessing I’ve been waiting for I thought to myself. Two years later, I found myself sitting in a small “underground” bible class who probably might have a different version of how to get blessings, I thought in anticipation. Halfway through, we still haven’t discussed blessings but instead they were telling us about how sinful men are and that the wrath of the Holy God is upon us. Should we not repent, it would result to eternal damnation in hell. Back then, I know I’m a sinner and I can never be “holy” to get to heaven. I’m a doomed soul– a very hopeless (and scary) position I have already imposed upon myself. But apparently, there was hope in Jesus Christ Who removed the wrath of God by offering Himself as a sacrifice on the cross. Wait a minute, I already know Jesus who died and resurrected 3 days after for our sins. I know He is loving and compassionate and loves the sinners as well. All along, I knew a different Jesus- not the one from the Bible but a certain “Jesus” that would cater most to my needs. The one who would answer my prayers if I asked for money or material things yet who wouldn’t mind if I sin against him. When He poured mercy on me, that was the time I realized how much I have missed on the real Jesus of the Holy Bible. I missed the fact that He is the righteous Lord who will come again to judge the living and the dead. I was coming to Him for the wrong reasons and for a lost cause: shallow believism and material blessings. Hearing the Gospel in its fullness, He drew me out of my sinful life and brought me to repentance and faith in Him- this is what matters most. Looking back, I’ve come to realize the blessings which the Lord has so richly blessed me with. My salvation and the promise of His Kingdom is something that no moth or rust can consume or thieves can steal. And through the incessant studying of His Word, I’ve learned to let go of equating God with material blessings (although He can give anything in His will). And I finally got to define the popular verse “Ask, and it will be given you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” (Matthew 7:7) in its proper context. It’s no wonder why I didn’t mind being stuck for 6 years with the previous company I worked for in exchange for a meager salary (in my league). For I believe the Lord wants to teach me patience and dependence on Him having already blessed me sufficiently where it truly matters. And now that He has blessed me with a way much better-paying job opportunity, I still get carried away sometimes by material things, overwhelmed with what I can now have that I never had before. But He never fails to remind me where my heart should be– treasures in heaven. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also (Matthew 6:21).